THE SICKEST HIGH FIVE OF ALL TIME
by Glistening Cerulean Eyes
Summary: It's a totally average day for the coolest dude on earth, Kaladin Stormy-Z, when all of a sudden a radical dude backflips in from another dimension or something and teaches him how to fite CRIME in the most bodacious way ever: SKATEBOARDING. (if u don't like skateboarding get OUT). Words of Rad and Shadows of Selfie spoilers, yo holla


It was a nice day and Kaladin Stormblessed was walking along like the cool dude and capable leader he was, which means he was wearing sunglasses and giving respectful nods to his friends and underlings. He was feeling pretty great actually because this morning he'd had a really good breakfast and he'd done like seventy pushups with Dalinar sitting on his back. Yes, it was a good day.

UNTIL then suddenly a guy ran past in complete violation of the 'no running in the palace' rule. He was wearing all white clothes like a massive fashion disaster or maybe a bride. It took Kaladin a few moments to come to grips with somebody showing so much disrespect of the laws of actual laws and also the laws of fashion but when he did he tore off his shirt and ran after him in HOT PURSUIT. Get it, because Kaladin is hot. Anyway

Anwya so they kept running for like ages, sometimes on the walls and junk too because of their magic feet. Everybody they ran past had to stop to compose themselves because hot dang. Eventually Kaladin dive tackled the guy wearing all those white clothes and they both fell over and rolled a bit but they weren't hurt because the palace has really nice carpet. Except then the guy wearing white actually like MELTED and slithered off leaving Kaladin sitting on a really unfashionable skeleton.

"What the heck?" he demanded, swearing like a bad boy. The slithery dude slithered off and fell down a ventilation grille.

"Wow man are you okay?" asked a person jogging up. Kaladin instantly trusted and respected his glistening muscles and hat.

"Heck yeah man," said Kaladin who had magic powers so he was fine. He was still swearing because he was uncomfortable about sitting on a skeleton and the other guy respected that because, wow, what a heavy way to start your day honestly. He pulled Kaladin up with muscular strength. "What even was that?" asked Kaladin waving towards the vents to make it clear he meant the slithery fella instead of accidentally implying he was unhappy with how he'd been helped to his feet.

"That was a kandra except not a good one, one of the bad ones. They're like friendly slugs that can become dogs except…when they go bad," said the other man giving a pause for appropriate dramatic effect. "Anyway I'm Wayne." They shook hands in a really manly way due to their instant mutual respect.

Kaladin knew what a slug was because a slug is a gastropod and he was ALL OVER that phylum. "Grody," he said wisely.

"Mega grodes," agreed Wayne. "So what you wouldn't know is the only way to catch a kandra is by going faster than it's going."

"Wow how even can I do that? I'm not a professional runner," said Kaladin which wasn't stating the obvious because looking at those muscular thighs anybody would assume he actually was a professional runner.

"Well because I'm from THE FUTURE," Wayne winked verbally, "I have something that might just help us out." He pulled two cool looking things out of a speed bubble.

"Wow I automatically love whatever that is?" exclaimed Kaladin.

"That's because it's a skateboard, Kaladin, the coolest and most efficient way to get around since the invention of the leg."

"Wow," said Kaladin taking a skateboard and experimentally scooting around on it. Because of his magical powers the carpet wasn't even a problem. He was a natural because he's good at everything he does. "Haha this really is the best."

"Are you ready to catch a kandra?" asked Wayne putting his hat at premium skateboarding position, which is backwards.

Kaladin gave him a double thumbs up which meant yes he was. They skateboarded off in DOUBLE hot pursuit of the slug bloke, double hot because they are both hot so it's twice as hot a pursuit as the last hot pursuit okay.

"Oh yeah where is this kandra thing from anyway?" asked Kaladin expositionally.

"Well it's a long story," said Wayne, "but it's my buddy's girlfriend actually."

"Wow was he kissing all of that?"

"He was totally kissing all of that," said Wayne doing a casual kick flip off the wall. They skateboarded until they caught up with the kandra which had tried to slyly slip her way out of the vents and disguise herself as a pot plant, but there aren't any plants on this planet only rock things and crustaceans so she looked INSTANTLY out of place. The kandra realised her mistake when Kaladin yelled "WHAT IS THAT GREEN THING?" in confusion and then she grew tiny pot plant legs to run away discreetly. But the skateboarding bros were too fast! So she stole a skateboard as she was running from Adolin who had just been walking and maybe composing a song on guitar or something sensitive as he did it.

"What do we do now?" asked Kaladin doing a skateboarding move that would make Tony Hawk retire if he saw it (Tony Hawk if you're reading this please don't retire you're a visionary). He did his secret handshake with Adolin as he went past.

"I don't know!" said Wayne in a worried sort of way. "What do you do when the kandra also has a skateboard? How do you even go faster than that?"

The kandra grew a laser gun and started shooting lasers at them. It blew up Kaladin's skateboard and he would have fallen over if Wayne hadn't grabbed him and carried him on his skateboard.

"Do you have another skateboard, man?" demanded Kaladin.

"I didn't think I would need more than two!" said Wayne worriedly. He had another eight skateboards at home on Scadrial but that was ages away.

"Okay!" said Kaladin jumping out of Wayne's arms which was a massive shame for everyone. As he jumped he yelled "SYL! TRANSFORM INTO A SKATEBOARD!" A blue glow grew around him and there was this wind that made his hair float and look really, really good. When he landed he landed on the coolest skateboard of all time. It was white with blue flames all over it and in funky typography it had the word "WINDRUNNERZ" emblazoned across it. It also had the other skateboard things, like four wheels and instant street cred.

"That was easily the most bodacious thing I've seen since Marasai drove a car over a massive ramp and jumped over that canyon," Wayne said conscientiously. Kaladin adjusted his sunglasses and at least three people who saw it fainted.

"Alright, buddy," he said in a cool and dramatic way. "Let's skate."

They skateboarded at the speed of light (they can go at the speed of light because of the magic system) after the kandra. She did a sick flip and skateboarded along the roof. It looked like it was going to be a close thing for a while there but Kaladin summoned up the blood, disguised fair nature with hard-favoured rage, then lent the eye a terrible aspect, and jumped over a table while his Shardboard went along underneath it and the kandra was so impressed that she forgot how important it is to look where you're going when you're skateboarding and hit a wall. Her pot fell neatly into Wayne's hands and he put a few pairs of handcuffs on it that he just happened to have lying around.

"You're nicked, chummy," he said. Then Kaladin skated up and they turned to each other, their eyes meeting. The tension in the air was electric. They reached up their hands, maintaining solid eye contact, and then gave each other the totally sickest best ever high five of all time. Everybody who heard the sound of their palms slapping became instantly more bodacious.

"I feel like today we learnt a whole lot about the true meaning of friendship," said Kaladin, putting a manly hand on Wayne's manly shoulder while the bad kandra reconsidered her life choices after witnessing a high five so beautiful. When the judge gave her community service, she suddenly knew that she would go willingly.

"We did," said Wayne. He took off his baseball cap and gave it to Kaladin. "Here, something to remember me by."

"I couldn't," said Kaladin, flattered beyond comprehension.

"No. I want you to have it," Wayne said. "If you have that hat, I will always be with you. In here." He put his hand on the hat.

"Thanks man," said Kaladin a bit choked up. They hugged each other around the pot plant. It was a beautiful and touching moment.

 **The end.**


End file.
